The Emmaline - Maditas Blog

AFTER THE MESS!

After our two day cleaning ordeal with everybody, Albrecht spent a couple of days afterwards driving it all away and got started on cleaning out the garage. Now we are pretty much done – or have been done for a week or two by now. We walked through both houses, argued a little about what to do next 😀 and have settled on a plan. We will renovate the “garden house” first, move in and then will take out time renovating the main house. We are in no hurry as of now to renovate the main house because we currently am in no need of 3 kid rooms lol. We do need to remove a wall and get the roof done on both houses because there is rain damage to be found in the main house but everything else can wait and be done whenever we have the time, money and vision.

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GETTING RID OF THE MESS!

First house post – many to follow! We negotiated to clean out the house ourselve and oh my God! How one can live with so much garbage and stuff EVERYWHERE is beyond me. I felt so overwhelmed and a few times literally sick to my stomach. The house had mice – dead and alive – though the whole downstairs area in the main house and smelled reeaaally bad. We were lucky though to have really good friends show up on their easter weekend and help us clean it all out. We made it a fun couple of days!!

I mean, there are more rooms but you get the idea… 😉

Its a two story plus attic main house, a one story house (we call it the “garden house” plus a huuuuge garage (like 200 qm huge) and a garden. We somehow managed to clean out both houses and the garden in two days. TWO DAYS!! I dont know how but we did it. In the end we had almost 4.000 kg of “Sperrmüll”, 3 small trailers full of paper, at least the same amount of plastic garbage, 1 trailer full of old electronic stuff and I dont know how much metall (“Schrott”) etc.. We could not have done it with out the help of all those wonderful people!!! Its been really special to share this new adventure with all of them!

The “after” pictures will come in a second post 🙂

WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!!

Let me tell you I did not think that would be us right now! Albrecht and I every once in a while dreamt about owning our own house – especially Albrecht. Since Albrecht just started his business though and me being in/out of school and not working right now and us paying quiet a lot of rent a month we did not think that would be a possibility for at least a few years. One of our goals for this year was actually to put more money aside to be able to buy in a few years. Well – here we are 😀

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IT`S BEEN AN INTERESTING FEW WEEKS

I hate when I follow a blog and all of the sudden the writer stops writing and I have no idea why but am invested in their story. And only by writing my own I have realized how hard it can be to not do that.

I wanted to write but I didn´t want the world all in my business that felt so very vulnerable. It still feels that way – and maybe it will always feel like that. And maybe thats the lesson – to not judge but to walk with each other and do life together out of love and not judgement!

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WALK IN STRENTGH

One of the things I have struggled the most with over the years is how trauma steals your light! It´s actually the one thing I have worked my absolute hardest against – I didn´t want to also end up being depressed, feeling down or having a negative outlook on life on top of having a lot of pain. I can take all the physical pain but having my inner light and positivety taken away from me has been crushing! But I couldn´t really do anything to prevent it and that has crushed me even more. It felt like a personal failure!

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LIFE LATELY

I can´t even tell you how good the sunny weather and warmer temperatures and more daylight have let me feel!

There is nothing better than being here, walking Ilse, listening to an podcast or just trying to quiet my mind!

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AND ONE DAY I COULD SEE HOW THE HEALING WAS THE GIFT

“Another way in which we can transform our darkness and “easter” the life of the new self is by holding the painful tension within us – the tugs between what the ego wants and that to which the True Self calls us.

The first step towards growth is to enter these tensions, embracing and exploring the pain and ambiguity within rather than running from them, concealing them, or anesthetizing them. Few choose this path, however. We´re more apt to try to quell the conflict by banishing the unwanted side of the opposites.”


Page 160-161 of WHEN THE HEART WAITS by Sue Monk Kidd

I have struggled to hold the tension! It did not know how to bear the connection to my inner self! It felt too heavy, too dark and too painful.
It felt so unfair! Hadn´t I suffered enough? Couldn´t I just shut the door and forget about the last very painful 8 years? I felt like I could not bear it so I ran from it. But by running from it I ran from myself and the more I was doing that the more I longed for me to be “happy, healthy and succesfull”.

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LIFE LATELY

Its been forever since I´ve done a life lately! A few weeks ago we had the rare occasion of snow! Snow for more than a morning does not happen a lot and I made the most of it buy taking long walks with Ilse through the snow.

We had “a lot” of snow 😀 Its a lot for us when my short UGG boots are too short and Ilses legs disappear in the snow 😉 she didnt care though. She run and run through it!

Seb and I went to a conference in Cologne one weekend for CONNECT. We had a lot of fun meeting teachers and students and advertising for our project. Always fun to be back and even more fun that we happened to be at a really cool school! It was a really good weekend!

Here is the deal: I have been HORRIBLE with feeding myself! I either can´t find anything I want to eat in the fridge or I am already to hungry to cook myself something so I eat take out/buy some crappy (although very enjoyable) fastfood or am too exhausted to make myself anything so I end up eating not enough and just not good. A couple of weeks ago I made it my goal to feed myself better haha and I must say I am suprised how much I eat lol but its been really good! I can feel how my body and therefor myself feel way better already. I do need to have a plan otherwise it wont work but so far my plan has worked wonderfully and that alone is AWESOME!

Seb spends a good amount of time with us right now with leads to all of eating supper together and going all out in the cooking department lol the other day we made pizza from scratch and it was so good!

And sometimes the boys go ALL OUT in the desert department haha mind you – this was literally at midnight lol 

So, life lately has been good! Lots of walks, lots of good food to help me heal and lots of rest, reading time and even some meditation. The more sun hours the days has the better I feel 🙂

Sending lots of love!!

Madita