I‘ve been living and loving life the last few days and totally forgot that it‘s Friday. I will be back with a post either tomorrow or Monday!
Have a wonderful day!
♥️
Madita
Archives for September 2018
HAPPY MONDAY finding out about trauma
Paris 2016
“We say: ‘Here I am, pain. I give up. All that stuff really happened. I’ll let myself feel it now. Then I’ll tell the story and let other people feel it, too.’ Everyone has a history, everyone has a story to tell. When you write your true identity, it is a love offering to the world because it helps everyone who hears it feel braver and less alone. We all need to know that we are seen and heard. We don’t need our lives to be different, or easier, we just need someone to see the pain. To know what we’ve faced and overcome. To say: Yes. I see this. This is real. We don’t need a magician to take it all away – we just need a witness.” Glennon DoyleVIEW POST
LIFE LATELY
Albrecht and I spent our Saturday together, after both of us returning home late on Friday night.
We took a long walk along the Rhein when we noticed one tree full of green almost tropical birds…
HAPPY MONDAY loving myself through the process
I´m back home and I can´t even tell you what a blessing it is to come home to a home and a city that you love and feel good about!!
I´ve been journaling, watercoloring and reading a lot lately and it has brought me on this path of selfdiscovery (although I had that term) and it feels AWESOME! There is this weird paradox of totally knowing myself and then being totally lost and questioning everything. But it feels so good to finally be able to not only question everything but have the courage and time and space of mind to really see and feel and love and grow! There is a season for everything and I love stepping into this season of growth. I´m learning to love the place in life I´m in right now even though I never decided to end up here and I´m learning to love and trust myself and my body again after a long time where I felt like I couldn´t because it was the source of a lot of pain and trauma. It´s still hard and days where I can´t for the life of me figure out what I feel and what I need, I sit angry on my couch and don´t love myself. Instead of sitting there I want to know and have it all rather than experiencing a frustrating and challenging process of growth. And to top if of I feel like I´m the only person on this planet to feel so stuck. I´m learning though that not only I have days like this but everyone has them. Days where you want to move the world but you rather need a day with your book on the couch but you give yourself a hard time for needing it.
I´ve listened to the “Unspoken” podcast with Sophia Bush the other day and she said something that really spoke to me:
If you were my 4 year old child, I would never allow for anyone in the room to take your energy to the point it made you exhausted. We have to learn to love ourselves that way. I can´t give the world to you – you have to go home and give it to yourself. I have to give it to myself. I have to go home, eat, put myself to bed, respect my existence. It´s hard but it´s important that with whatever form of a public life you lead that you start to respect your existence enought to know that you can not possibly give a piece of yourself to everyone who wants it. Because there would be nothing left. And you can say that with love.
Sending you lots of love!
Madita
LIFE LATELY
Life lately was spent in Berlin while Albrecht was at home and in Stuttgart! I usually really don´t have a problem to be somewhere without Albrecht, I like to feel independe while being completely commited to Albrecht, but I´m SO looking forward to having him next to me again at night
I always screenshot sayings or quotes but rarely do I really use them. Sometimes they get put on our chalkboard or they get used for a instagram captions but they are really good and truly speak to me. So I started last week to meditate on one saying for a week. That way all my little breaks during the day have a positive thought or deeper meaning I can think of while making use of those wonderful sayings I stumble across.
I write it on a piece of paper and put it in the back of my phone and pull it out whenever I think of it during the day. This weeks poem was by Atticus and I usually reconcetrate on one to three lines a day. So far its been wonderful and most of the days its just what I needed to VIEW POST
HAPPY MONDAY: SPA DAY
Happy Monday! Alex and I had a wonderful and very relaxing Sunday. Alex even told me “now you have a Happy Monday on a Sunday ” 😉 we went out for breakfast and afterwards to a place in Berlin-Spandau where you can book a day ticket to do fitness and wellness all in one facility. It felt so good to be able to work out and even better if you can swim and go to the sauna afterwards!
LIFE LATELY
Life lately has been crazy. I´ve spent more than 18 hours in total on a train over 4 days. First I went to Frankfurt am Main on Friday…we had a photoshooting scheduled for a youth project a group of us are organizing. The amount of stuff, including a stool, I needed to get to Frankfurt was crazy!
HAPPY MONDAY On a Tuesday
Your wallet is too big in your back pocket. It bugs you as you drive. There is a thorn stuck in the side of your sock, deep in your shoe. It gives you the tiniest most infuriating poke when you walk. But to take off your shoe and do the whole thing. Ugh. You wonder if what you said at dinner offended your new friend. It eats you up the rest of the night. Is to bring it up worse?
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Things that nag. Thorns in our sides. They want answers. Solutions. Adjustments. But they do not scream. Some problems shout at us, and get the attention they need right away. But the nag. The tickle. The turn of the stomach and prick of the mind.
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I wonder if you have a prickly something in your sock right now. I mean in your mind. A discomfort. I wonder if it’s inconsistencies in your experience vs the teachings of your church. Those things stick to your mind and do not leave. They can be struck and quieted with the stick of obedience. But they never leave. I wonder if it’s your gut about your friend, boyfriend, or even your spouse. You’ve got history. You’ve got labels. But the twisted stomach is there. Something is off. You are not who you want to be and becoming less so. You do not respect them. You won’t admit it. That twisted gut will not go away.
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I’m not trying to be a rabble rouser over here. I’m just remembering all the itchy thinking in my life… the cracks in the floor… the roof shingles that blew off and let the light in…
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I’ve never had a disquiet thought or an upset stomach that didn’t have something to teach me. Sometimes it was patience. Sometimes it was humility and a bad meal. Other times it was revolution, and knocking down walls. Always it was a lesson, working itself out.
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I don’t begrudge my confusion anymore. I thank it. It’s just a signal that I’ve collected a few more fallen keys from heaven, and I’m obliged to try new doors until they open.
HAPPY MONDAY: SEE YOU TOMORROW
We spent the weekend celebrating Janis birthday in Berlin and got home late on Sunday! I simply forgot to write a blog post on our long train journey – I will need to do that tonight!
Nonetheless wishing you a very happy Monday and I’m back tomorrow!
♥️
Lots of love,
Madita