Writing this on Friday deep into having the cold on top of my exhaustion is messing with my mental being.
It feels like too much, too much sickness, too little strength, too little strength to help myself, too little life in me to be happy while being bed ridden. I start questioning myself and if anything was caused by my mental health but the reality is: I was freaking exhausted before the cold and having fever on top of exhaustion is a lot for any body, so my allergies go crazy as well because my immunsystem is simply down. I‘m trying to hold on to my saneness but it brings back ALL the trauma of being constanly sick and being home/bed ridden without being able to help myself. I feel helpless and I feel angy and it feels unfair but I can help myself ans everything will be fine in a few days and there is incledible medicine that can treat fever very well. Still urg!
Before this all cold craziness hit me I was reading ‚When the heart waits‘ by Sue Monk Kidd after hearing her story on Oprahs Supersoul Podcast and it has been inspiring. I‘m only a couple chapters in but its good. She talks about waiting: