Trauma feels like this long endless road of only hard days. Where you read inspirational quotes of „its ok to have a hard day and feel lost“ and you so badly want to apply that but it feels like your life is an endless amount of hard days and feeling lost.
You want to constantly scream „THIS IS TOO MUCH“. Let me deal with one thing. One thing at a time and let me have and experience some joy in between but not press every single button and let me think of every single situation in a constant never changing loop of things that traumatised me. And when I then start to write and go deep to resolve whatever trauma I can resolve at the time, it always always starts with a feeling of „I have already dealt with this a thousand times“ and only then I remember that I have never cried about it, been truly mad about this specific thing and never truly processed it. This is the circle I live through with every single situation/emotion/thing that is stuck deep inside my body and mind.
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