To be honest, I have had a hard time feeling happy lately. Although I don´t intent to feel happy all the time or think it is something to hold on to in every moment, I know there is a form of contentment and peace one can feel, that can easily move to feeling happy, to feel like you are right where you belong and lets you be present rather than wishing for something else – somewhere else. How did I get here? How do I re-learn being content? The most vunerable I feel like we can get, is by admitting that “I dont feel like myself” or “I feel completely powerless”
I have been reading Brene Browns Rising Strong the last few weeks- it has brought me moments of silence, moments of looking in the mirror and not liking what I saw but most of all it brought small moments of contentment, of “this is right”.
Failure, shame, guilt, thinking needing help is a way of “loosing it”, even more shame, starting to forgo my boundaries and starting to not be true to myself, a never ending circle. But oh the light there is if I look shame in the eye, if I share my thoughts and feelings – if I start to know what I am truly feeling. Going there has bought me to my most vulnerable place but it also brought insight to things I didnt even know it existed anymore!
Here are excerpts from Brene Browns Rising Strong I dont want to forget:
The Latin root of the word integrate is integrare, which means “to make whole”. Integrating is the engine that moves us through the reckoning, the rumble, and the revolution, and the goal of each of these processes is to make ourselves whole. Page 41
Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding enviroment. Mindfulness also involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them – without believing, for instance, that there´s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment. Page 71
That´s when I realized that mindfulness and flow are never in competition with each other. They aren´t the same thing, but they share the same foundation: making the choice to pay attention. Page 73
Owning our stoies means reckoning with our feelings and rumbling with our dark emotions – our fear, anger, aggression, shame, and blame. Page 75
In the absence of data, we will always make up stories. Page 79
We start weaving these hidden, false stories into our lives and they eventually disort who we are and how we relate to others. Page 84
I can never be sure about the intentions of others, but I believe that assuming the best about other people can fundamentally change my life. Page 129
We can´t heal if we can´t grieve; we can´t forgive if we can´t grieve. Page 139
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen. […] This often happens when our expecations are based on outcomes we cant control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they´re going to react. Page 140
“She wasn´t afraid of people in need because she wasn´t afraid of needing others” Page 175
Trust- in ourselves or in others – is often the first casuality in a fall, and stories of shattered trust can render us speechless with hurt or send us into a defensive silence. Page 198
Seven elements of trust emerged […] Boundaries […] Reliability […] Accountability […] Vault […] Integrity […] Nonjudgment [..] Generosity Page 199-200
Self-trust is often a casuality of failure. […] “I don´t know if I can trust myself again” Page 200
- B- Did I respect my own boundaries? […]
- R- Was I reliable? Did I do what I said I was going to do?
- A- Did I hold myself accountable?
- V- Did I respect the vault and share appropriately?
- I- Did I act from my integrity?
- N- Did I ask for what I needed? Was I nonjudgmental about needing help?
- G- Was I generous towards myself
I truly hope you are having a happy Monday but most of all I hope you are in a place of life where you can feel a moment of true contentment!
Sending you lots of love!!