In the midst of it all I create a CRAZY desire to plan. I want to plan my day, my week, our long term goals and our finances. I want to set up a plan when to get pregnant and how to save up savings in order to have a house, a nice car, paid off student loans and emergency funds. I just want to plan it all out. My next month? scheduled out! Our next few years? Talked about and goals written down! Our finances? all thought through! I will write lists, create spreadsheets and am ready to sacrifice my love for shopping and good shoes so that we have a plan. All really good ideas but what do you do when life happens and it does not go according to plan?I create a desire plan so that I feel in control. Logically you would think that I want to have a good plan so that I have structure. Selfmade structure which can bring peace and comfort! But really I just want to be in control of my own happiness. Having money, a house and children are all substutites for my happiness. Things I think I need in order to have a happy and peaceful life.
Here is the thing though, if I have learned one thing through falling incredible sick or just simply having things not work out: all of that does not define my happiness! I don´t need things to work out or be healthy to be happy. I can be grateful, fulfilled and happy no matter the circumstances. No car, no home and certainly no money can buy me inner peace and happiness. And sadly, no plan!
Ironically though: I find happiness in a good plan!
Lots of love to you!!