Life lately has taught us drastically how fast life can change. And we are still trying to grasp that.
In theory I know really well to cherish every moment, to love and care well and to visit our parents and grandparents often. I find joy in the flowers my mom gifts us and those notes she writes me in responde to my blog posts. But not until the day we were faced with the fact that she may never be well enough to gift us flowers or ever read again, those last gift mean the world to you while simotaniously break you.
And makes me cherish those last giftes and moments and conversation immensly and I wish I could have taken them in more. The real wish is though to be able to hold on to them, to to go back and relive them whenever I want a little piece of my mom back! But truth be told, no matter how present I am in every moment, I will never go back and it will never feel as special as it does when looking back and realizing it was ‘a last’.
My mom loved reading my blog. After almost every post she would text me her thoughts about the blog post topic that day and adding something encouraging. I knew that even if nobody would read it – she would.
Since Tuesday last week reality is different for us. After her having a stroke we didn’t know how and if she would make it. We are at a better place now, hopeful for the future and so very thankful to have my mom still with us!
Right now my mom can‘t read – but for some reasons her brain lets her think that she still can. She will hold a paper upside down and will ‚read‘ to you. What actually can be a quite funny thing, hit me tonight. She will not be able to read my blog and somehow I want to stop writing immediately.
But life does go on – differently but it goes on and through that we learn to cope and heal and love and laugh. And instead of stopping to write I will write in honor of her. Hoping that one day she is able to go back and read all this.
If you ever read this mom: I love you very much! And I‘m so thankful for you and DO NOT feel bad for putting us through this. Thats life and its not your fault or responsibility and that is what family is for. To love and support each other and grow through all of it!