On Wednesday last week we went to Schwei (by Oldenburg Rodenkirchen) up in northern Germany basically in the middle of nowhere and had a team weekend/couple of days with friends. We talked, we laughed, we worked, let the dog run around outside and spent time around the fire <3 for me it was energy consuming but we still had a good time!
I’m exhausted to the point that I don’t even know how to describe it or put it into words. It feels like I am drained to the point that I can’t find my strength again without something coming from something else than me. VIEW POST
“Have I told you about the tension of opposites?” he says.
The tension of opposites?
“Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn´t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle.”
Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.
“A wrestling match” He laughs. “Yes you could describe life that way.”
So which side wins, I ask?
“Which side wins?” He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.
“Love wins. Love always wins.”
TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE
I made a new door wreath and with that Christmas time has come at our home ♥️
After making that wreath the Christmas decorating bug got me and I made more…
I´m planning on putting them up in our windows but am in need of a good ribbon to do it, so until that they are sitting there
I enjoyed a lot of time with Ilse last week – inside and outside 🙂 🙂 most of it not in bed lol
I had one night were I felt sad and like crap and just emotional and Albrecht wasnt here so I went to the grocery store and thats what I came home with
For the longest time I wanted upper cabinets above our kitchen sink but a shelve was cheaper and easier and faster and this week it finally happened thanks to Albrecht and I AM IN LOVE! It changes the whole feeling of the kitchen!
And last but not least I manage to suprise Annalena with a cup she feel in love with! Sometimes you just need to buy something extra special for a friend thats a little over priced because we would not buy it ourselve! Nothing better than hearing her suprised excited voice on the phone
Sending you lots of love on this Friday!
Love, Madita
I turned our blackboard in a calender the other day and love it!!
I was talking to a friend the other day and it became so clear how we all tend to just share the good or paint a picture of someone else’s life and forget to fill in the blanks. The blanks that are the struggle, the hard and scary moments, the courage it took to get to that moment. The pain, the grief or simply doubt. You can see achievements and moments of highs but we all have doubts and experience hard times that test us.VIEW POST
Rocky Mountains, Canada, 2017
It seems so easy to sweep it all under the carpet, only talk about the sunny side of life but oh my its so important to talk about all this other stuff. We look at pictures and listen to stories and go “oh my god she is so good and I wish that was me” but we dont hear or see her struggle, we dont know her fight and we dont know her story – even in friendship its so easy to only show one side of it all. How often do we think “its only me”? I at least do a thousand times a day.
Every time I‘m in the deep of something it feels too hard too sad too much to share but when I read back on it a week or months later I think “well that sucked but thats life sometimes and not too much to share” – funny how that perspective changes.
Its so hard to stay open and vulnerable when I´m hurting. It feels even harder to put it all into words. Ever since I read in “the body keeps score” by Bessel van der Kolk that traumatized people can experience a very real struggle putting into words what they experienced or are still experiencing – I recognize that happening to myself. Every time I get overwhelmed or feel like I have been thrown under the bus because of everything and anything thats been triggering my trauma I just get quiet. I wont talk to Albrecht about it unless I make an conscious effort, I forget to write my blog and I tend to skip writting in my journal. It´s if I am holding my breath, trying not to feel, not to know, not to move and numb myself hoping it will solve itself by itself. Exhaling seems impossible, moving seems out of reach and feeling emotions seems very dangerous. So if I disappear and forget to write a blog post – I simply forget to put words to my experience.
I was talking to a good girlfriend of mine the other day and soon I realized that I gave her the advice I needed to hear but didnt even know I needed.
“it feels like it will NEVER end and life feels like it will never be good again but it will. Today is already better than yesterday so why shouldnt it be even better a year from now?”
„But I want my old life back – I dont want all this crap – I was really happy and content before.” “I´m so sorry for the loss but I am also so sure something good will come of it. We will grow through this.”
“Instead of fixing on one event in the future that I am afraid of `I will never be able to get back to school‘ I should focus on the emotions I´m running away from. Instead of focusing on me and my emotion I apparently tend to ignore them and am rather thinking about a possible event in the future I most likely can´t change”
“Feelings of ‚this will never end‘ ‚everything will be bad‘ ‚I‘m the only one‘ is part of it all BUT ITS NOT TRUE. Life has gotten SO GOOD!!”
So lets be open and show it all – not just the “everything is so good” side but also the “this is what it took me to get here”.
Sending you lots of love!
Madita
Looking through my pictures from last week I must confess: I seem to only take picture of Ilse and my food anymore and I dont know how I feel about that 😀
Life lately was so much more though – we had friends over, cooked really yummy dinner, made apple sauce and all sort of fun still all while getting to know Ilse and figuring this whole dog owner things out.
Life lately has been crazy thanks to this lady
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