The Emmaline - Maditas Blog

  • Home
  • About Me
  • Things I love

Archives for October 2018

THOUGHTS

October 31, 2018

Rocky Mountains, Canada, 2017

It seems so easy to sweep it all under the carpet, only talk about the sunny side of life but oh my its so important to talk about all this other stuff. We look at pictures and listen to stories and go “oh my god she is so good and I wish that was me” but we dont hear or see her struggle, we dont know her fight and we dont know her story – even in friendship its so easy to only show one side of it all. How often do we think “its only me”? I at least do a thousand times a day.

Every time I‘m in the deep of something it feels too hard too sad too much to share but when I read back on it a week or months later I think “well that sucked but thats life sometimes and not too much to share” – funny how that perspective changes.

Its so hard to stay open and vulnerable when I´m hurting. It feels even harder to put it all into words. Ever since I read in “the body keeps score” by Bessel van der Kolk that traumatized people can experience a very real struggle putting into words what they experienced or are still experiencing – I recognize that happening to myself. Every time I get overwhelmed or feel like I have been thrown under the bus because of everything and anything thats been triggering my trauma I just get quiet. I wont talk to Albrecht about it unless I make an conscious effort, I forget to write my blog and I tend to skip writting in my journal. It´s if I am holding my breath, trying not to feel, not to know, not to move and numb myself hoping it will solve itself by itself. Exhaling seems impossible, moving seems out of reach and feeling emotions seems very dangerous. So if I disappear and forget to write a blog post – I simply forget to put words to my experience.

I was talking to a good girlfriend of mine the other day and soon I realized that I gave her the advice I needed to hear but didnt even know I needed.

“it feels like it will NEVER end and life feels like it will never be good again but it will. Today is already better than yesterday so why shouldnt it be even better a year from now?”

„But I want my old life back – I dont want all this crap – I was really happy and content before.” “I´m so sorry for the loss but I am also so sure something good will come of it. We will grow through this.”

“Instead of fixing on one event in the future that I am afraid of `I will never be able to get back to school‘  I should focus on the emotions I´m running away from. Instead of focusing on me and my emotion I apparently tend to ignore them and am rather thinking about a possible event in the future I most likely can´t change”

“Feelings of ‚this will never end‘ ‚everything will be bad‘ ‚I‘m the only one‘ is part of it all BUT ITS NOT TRUE. Life has gotten SO GOOD!!”

So lets be open and show it all – not just the “everything is so good” side but also the “this is what it took me to get here”.

Sending you lots of love!

Madita

LABELS ~ Pain/Trauma

SHARE >>

LIFE LATELY

October 29, 2018

Looking through my pictures from last week I must confess: I seem to only take picture of Ilse and my food anymore and I dont know how I feel about that 😀

Life lately was so much more though – we had friends over, cooked really yummy dinner, made apple sauce and all sort of fun still all while getting to know Ilse and figuring this whole dog owner things out.

VIEW POST

LABELS ~ Life Lately

SHARE >>

HAPPY MONDAY that time a dog enters my life

October 22, 2018

Life lately has been crazy thanks to this ladyVIEW POST

LABELS ~ Happy Mondays, Pain/Trauma

SHARE >>

LIFE LATELY

October 19, 2018

Life lately has been sweet and absolutely crazy!

We got to spent time with a lot of good friends (not all pictured)… VIEW POST

LABELS ~ Life Lately

SHARE >>

HAPPY MONDAY being scared of the new

October 15, 2018

Grabkapelle Stuttgart 6th of October 2018

Sometimes life gets in the way of posting and I am so ok with that! And sometimes you have been a way from home for a week, hang up light fixtures in your living room, have a friends stay with you and everything feels new and fresh and wonderful!

And sometimes fresh, new and wonderful does not feel safe to you and thats a struggle. Its daunting if you crave new and wonderful but don´t know how to not be stressed by it, how to be present and simply how to function. And how to feel – oh feeling things can be scary!VIEW POST

LABELS ~ Happy Mondays, Pain/Trauma

SHARE >>

HAPPY MONDAY short hair dont care

October 1, 2018

I cut my hair on Friday and it makes me incredible happy!VIEW POST

LABELS ~ Happy Mondays

SHARE >>

Hey!

Hey!

Hi I´m Madita! Welcome to my blog!

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

LET´S SOCIAL

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Snapchat

CATEGORIES

  • Book Recommendations
  • Decor
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Happy Mondays
  • Life
  • Life Lately
  • Link-up
  • Our House
  • Pain/Trauma
  • Quotes
  • Random Collection
  • Travel
  • Wedding

Archives

  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • May 2016

POPULAR POSTS

QUARANTINE TIME

Man, crazy times. Who could have guessed that things would be put on hold so fast and all of the sudden everyone is home and trying to figure out how to stay healthy and a new normal? Corona – you have brought interesting times. Almost a month ago now, when it was looking like we […]

LOVE OTHERS AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.

Isn’t that the problem that everything starts with? I don’t know – I am no expert and also not a bible person but honestly looking at myself I am the most critical and judgemental towards myself. I don’t know if I have ever been this hard on anyone as I have been on myself when […]

This error message is only visible to WordPress admins

Error: There is no connected account for the user 1778107570 Feed will not update.

COPYRIGHT © THE EMMALINE.

ALL OF THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE IS COPY-WRITTEN BY THE BLOG AUTHOR. IDEAS, IMAGES, PHOTOGRAPHS AND CONCEPTS CANNOT BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT WRITTEN CONSENT FROM THE BLOG AUTHOR. THE EMMALINE RUNS ADS PROVIDED BY A THIRD PARTY SPONSOR AND USES AFFILIATE LINKS AND COOKIES WITHIN THIS SITE. PURCHASING AN ITEM THROUGH A LINK FROM THE EMMALINE OR THE EMMALINE SOCIAL MEDIA (FACEBOOK, PINTEREST, INSTAGRAM VIA LIKETKIT) MAY RESULT IN A COMMISSION. IF YOU HAVE ANY SPECIFIC QUESTIONS ABOUT MY DISCLOSURES OR AFFILIATE LINKS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME DIRECTLY VIA E-MAIL AT MADIKKEN.JUNGE@GMAIL.COM