I´m back home and I can´t even tell you what a blessing it is to come home to a home and a city that you love and feel good about!!
I´ve been journaling, watercoloring and reading a lot lately and it has brought me on this path of selfdiscovery (although I had that term) and it feels AWESOME! There is this weird paradox of totally knowing myself and then being totally lost and questioning everything. But it feels so good to finally be able to not only question everything but have the courage and time and space of mind to really see and feel and love and grow! There is a season for everything and I love stepping into this season of growth. I´m learning to love the place in life I´m in right now even though I never decided to end up here and I´m learning to love and trust myself and my body again after a long time where I felt like I couldn´t because it was the source of a lot of pain and trauma. It´s still hard and days where I can´t for the life of me figure out what I feel and what I need, I sit angry on my couch and don´t love myself. Instead of sitting there I want to know and have it all rather than experiencing a frustrating and challenging process of growth. And to top if of I feel like I´m the only person on this planet to feel so stuck. I´m learning though that not only I have days like this but everyone has them. Days where you want to move the world but you rather need a day with your book on the couch but you give yourself a hard time for needing it.
I´ve listened to the “Unspoken” podcast with Sophia Bush the other day and she said something that really spoke to me:
If you were my 4 year old child, I would never allow for anyone in the room to take your energy to the point it made you exhausted. We have to learn to love ourselves that way. I can´t give the world to you – you have to go home and give it to yourself. I have to give it to myself. I have to go home, eat, put myself to bed, respect my existence. It´s hard but it´s important that with whatever form of a public life you lead that you start to respect your existence enought to know that you can not possibly give a piece of yourself to everyone who wants it. Because there would be nothing left. And you can say that with love.
Sending you lots of love!