Happy Monday! Alex and I had a wonderful and very relaxing Sunday. Alex even told me “now you have a Happy Monday on a Sunday ” 😉 we went out for breakfast and afterwards to a place in Berlin-Spandau where you can book a day ticket to do fitness and wellness all in one facility. It felt so good to be able to work out and even better if you can swim and go to the sauna afterwards!
Here is the thing though: it does not matter how pretty the surroundings are or how relaxing a sauna is or how perfect my workout went, it does not really change how I feel inside. And to be honest I struggled today. I was still so overwhelmed from the day before where I had a meeting all day and a headache and Berlin and life. I recognize fear. Fear of pain, of headaches, of emotion that could possibly lead to headaches, of pretty much anything because it could lead to a situation I may not be able to get myself out. Just like I couldn´t 8 years ago when all of the sudden my life turned upside down but having uncontrollable pain/headaches.
I recognize fear and sadness and panic and stress and running away from emotions and feelings rather than feeling them. I´m learning that it is ok not to know what is going on, how I feel and what I need. I have the most beautiful and affirming conversations with friends that encourage me to ask for help even if I don´t know what would be helpful. To just call and talk about whatever but call. To show up and be me even “all emotional and me not knowing what to do with myself”. So I´m trying to show up and not hide. Not hide my emotions from myself, not hide them from the world around me and especially not get into a mode of highly functioning and not truly showing up and living while thinking that is the best and only option. It happens so easily that I often times don´t really notice it until I´m deep into it. So every day I have been sitting with my journal and ask myself “what do I feel”?
I meditated on this quote a lot this week:
You don´t have to move mountains.
Simply fall in love with life.
Be a tornado of happiness, gratitude and acceptance.
You will change the world just by being a warm, kind-hearted human being.
On my journey to feel happy again and falling in love with life I´m learning to be ok! Ok with accepting my emotions, my needs, my fears and shame. Ok with celebrating every joy life brings me and not being in fear of it been taken away from me.
Sending you warm and kind-hearted thoughts and lots of love on this Monday!
PS: All my other Happy Monday posts can be found here