When life uninvited is interrupted its so easy to hope for an event to change that. I´ve been so guilty of that. And you make up your mind that when X happens things will be back to normal. “When I am married I will be safe and secure” ” When I move I will have this wonderful life and when I get a job I will be worry free” And to some extent that can be true, sometimes its the best thing to shake things up, to move, to move on, to follow the yearning of your soul but I feel like we often forget that when we do that we also take our story with us. But that can not be shown in an Instagram post or a picture. To the outside it looks like this wonderful and colourful and full life but what it can not show is the twist and turnes, the highs and lows and the in betweens it took and still takes to get there. What it does not show is the trauma, guilt, grieve, helplessness, a feeling of loss that can still be there.
Thats been me the last month. I LOVE our house and the peaceful hours it adds to my life, the joy it brings Ilse and Albrecht and the feeling of living connected with nature around me. Building a home somewhere else breaks me open, forces me to face the hurt that is in me around the topic of home and that is good and healing but also hard. Our new home feels like it will be a place for healing and it already is but simultaneously its also a place that confronts me with my limited strength to do anything except to be often times. It forces me to accept that I still carry a lot of pain and struck emotions with me and that when everything is new and unfamiliar any and everything can trigger that pain.
I´m trying my best to keep my head up while giving my self time and grace and trying my hardest not to judge myself and just take it as it is.
CONNECT, starts in a week and I will be in Hamburg on and off during the next four week and it could very well be the case that blogging will move down to the very end of my to-do list. So every post during that time will be considered a bonus point 😉 can´t wait to see what all will have changed during that time at the house!
Lots of love!