The first wall came down. Well, if we are exact the first wall and two ceilings came down.VIEW POST
After our two day cleaning ordeal with everybody, Albrecht spent a couple of days afterwards driving it all away and got started on cleaning out the garage. Now we are pretty much done – or have been done for a week or two by now. We walked through both houses, argued a little about what to do next 😀 and have settled on a plan. We will renovate the “garden house” first, move in and then will take out time renovating the main house. We are in no hurry as of now to renovate the main house because we currently am in no need of 3 kid rooms lol. We do need to remove a wall and get the roof done on both houses because there is rain damage to be found in the main house but everything else can wait and be done whenever we have the time, money and vision.VIEW POST
First house post – many to follow! We negotiated to clean out the house ourselve and oh my God! How one can live with so much garbage and stuff EVERYWHERE is beyond me. I felt so overwhelmed and a few times literally sick to my stomach. The house had mice – dead and alive – though the whole downstairs area in the main house and smelled reeaaally bad. We were lucky though to have really good friends show up on their easter weekend and help us clean it all out. We made it a fun couple of days!!
I mean, there are more rooms but you get the idea… 😉
Its a two story plus attic main house, a one story house (we call it the “garden house” plus a huuuuge garage (like 200 qm huge) and a garden. We somehow managed to clean out both houses and the garden in two days. TWO DAYS!! I dont know how but we did it. In the end we had almost 4.000 kg of “Sperrmüll”, 3 small trailers full of paper, at least the same amount of plastic garbage, 1 trailer full of old electronic stuff and I dont know how much metall (“Schrott”) etc.. We could not have done it with out the help of all those wonderful people!!! Its been really special to share this new adventure with all of them!
The “after” pictures will come in a second post 🙂
A lot of trauma work or any healing work for that matter seems to be to release stuck/burried emotions in order to be able to feel joy and love and all sorts of wonderful things.VIEW POST
Let me tell you I did not think that would be us right now! Albrecht and I every once in a while dreamt about owning our own house – especially Albrecht. Since Albrecht just started his business though and me being in/out of school and not working right now and us paying quiet a lot of rent a month we did not think that would be a possibility for at least a few years. One of our goals for this year was actually to put more money aside to be able to buy in a few years. Well – here we are 😀VIEW POST
I hate when I follow a blog and all of the sudden the writer stops writing and I have no idea why but am invested in their story. And only by writing my own I have realized how hard it can be to not do that.
I wanted to write but I didn´t want the world all in my business that felt so very vulnerable. It still feels that way – and maybe it will always feel like that. And maybe thats the lesson – to not judge but to walk with each other and do life together out of love and not judgement!VIEW POST
Spring is here and I hope its here to stay!VIEW POST
One of the things I have struggled the most with over the years is how trauma steals your light! It´s actually the one thing I have worked my absolute hardest against – I didn´t want to also end up being depressed, feeling down or having a negative outlook on life on top of having a lot of pain. I can take all the physical pain but having my inner light and positivety taken away from me has been crushing! But I couldn´t really do anything to prevent it and that has crushed me even more. It felt like a personal failure!VIEW POST
I can´t even tell you how good the sunny weather and warmer temperatures and more daylight have let me feel!
There is nothing better than being here, walking Ilse, listening to an podcast or just trying to quiet my mind!VIEW POST
“Another way in which we can transform our darkness and “easter” the life of the new self is by holding the painful tension within us – the tugs between what the ego wants and that to which the True Self calls us.
The first step towards growth is to enter these tensions, embracing and exploring the pain and ambiguity within rather than running from them, concealing them, or anesthetizing them. Few choose this path, however. We´re more apt to try to quell the conflict by banishing the unwanted side of the opposites.”
Page 160-161 of WHEN THE HEART WAITS by Sue Monk Kidd
I have struggled to hold the tension! It did not know how to bear the connection to my inner self! It felt too heavy, too dark and too painful.
It felt so unfair! Hadn´t I suffered enough? Couldn´t I just shut the door and forget about the last very painful 8 years? I felt like I could not bear it so I ran from it. But by running from it I ran from myself and the more I was doing that the more I longed for me to be “happy, healthy and succesfull”.